The DEW Line

The DEW Line for October27, 2005

2005-10-28T15:04:00.000-07:00

THE ELEPHANT ROLLS OVER
...do we then have to roll over? Or, in this case, if the elephant messes with its clock, do we have to go along with it too?

At this writing, three provinces–Ontario, Manitoba and New Brunswick–say they’ll go along with the US plan to extend Daylight Savings Time by four weeks, starting in 2007. Quebec is rumoured to be close to the same decision. Saskatchewan doesn’t do daylight saving at all. No word yet on what the rest of Canada will do.

Proponents say the change will save energy and keep us in synch with our mega trading partner, the US, on everything from timed deliveries to TV schedules.

But the Conservation Council of Ontario says any energy savings would be minimal, and Michael Downing, author of Spring Forward: The Annual Madness of Daylight Saving Time, told the CBC that energy use will actually go up. "If you give people more sunlight at the end of the day, they’ll [drive their cars to malls] to spend money."

Opponents say the change will send children to school in the dark, making them less safe, while the Airlines Industry worries it will put international flight schedules out of synch with the rest of the world. Computer programmers will have to prepare to send out software updates that recognize the change.

More here.

The DEW Line for October 20, 2005

2005-10-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Promosexual: One who nauseatingly promotes their new movie and their new love interest.

–From the Canadian Expatriates blog.

More of this week's column here

The DEW Line for October 13, 2005

2005-10-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

FILL YOUR TANK FOR $1.74
Ever wonder how other oil-rich places are handling their "misfortune windfall?"

According to MSNBC, Venezuela (world’s sixth largest producer, at 2.9 million barrels of oil a day), has raised taxes and royalties on foreign-owned oil companies, and has used this money to reduce fuel prices not only in Venezuela, but for neighbouring nations in South American and the Caribbean. A gallon of gas in Caracas costs 14 cents. Four billion US dollars of the money has gone to social programs and public works programs that provide jobs to the country’s poor.

In addition to getting a dividend check, Alaskans don’t pay a state income tax or a statewide sales tax. State residents off the beaten track, however, "have seen heating oil prices soar and gasoline rise to about $6 a gallon, about what Norwegians pay.

But Norwegians aren’t complaining. "This revenue provides the tiny country’s pension system and other social benefits, including full college scholarships and universal health care. United Nations studies have found it to be the world’s best place to live, for five years running, with high incomes and low income inequality among its residents."

More of this week's column here.

The DEW Line for October 6, 2005

2005-10-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

AND NOW, THE CATCH...
Is Ralph Klein poised to announce a tax cut? And will this tax cut benefit the wealthiest Albertans more than the rest of us slobs? And is that $400 egalitarian oil bribe a decoy/distraction to make us look the other way? Just asking.

More here.

The DEW Line for September 29, 2005

2005-09-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

ONE FOR RALPH
Ralph Klein says nuclear power should not be used to extract oil from the tar sands, as proposed by a French company, except as a last resort. The Journal reports, "Klein says he would consider nuclear power only after other options including wind, solar and hydroelectrical power are exhausted."

The DEW Line isn’t completely anti-nuke. The new pebble-bed reactors are darned impressive. But we agree it’s a last resort, and wonder if the premier’s stand means the province will be promoting more alternative energy. Solar, wind, and other options are gaining in popularity due to the insane rise in oil prices. It makes sense to promote more research, development and manufacturing of solar and wind products in oil-rich Alberta, not only to get a share of this rapidly increasing market, but to ensure a good economy for the future of the province, when oil will be either redundant or unavailable.

There are some exciting things happening with solar, higher-efficiency, thinner cells that are cleanly manufactured, solar coatings and even solar fabrics that give new meaning to the phrase "power-dressing." You could recharge your cellphone or laptop or power a lamp from your elbow or an outlet in your pocket. These things are performing well in prototype stage, and just need political will and consumer demand to bring them to market.

As for wind, there are now new portable, bird-safe windmills ready to market–small, unobtrusive and easy to install. Given how damned windy it has been here, this makes a helluva lot of sense.

The rest of the column here.

The DEW Line for September 22, 2005

2005-09-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

THIRTY PACKS OF SMOKES, 200 CUPS OF TIM HORTON’S COFFEE OR...
How are you planning to spend your 300 bucks in Alberta oil profit? Most of our friends answer with a variation of this: on gasoline/heating bills. If they are representative, it means most of this money will go back to the energy companies. Hmmm.....

BEIJING’s DESIRE
According to Investors Business Daily, the Americans aren’t the only ones eying our tar sands with lust and envy. China is also angling for access and a bigger role in overall oil and gas development in Alberta. But China, where mouthy bloggers still get thrown into jail and the parents of executed prisoners are often required to pay for the bullets used to kill them, isn’t satisfied with efforts to procure more fossil fuels. The Beijing government is also investing heavily in nuclear power and clean, environmentally sound energy sources such as solar and wind power with an eye not just to meeting China’s growing energy needs, but to marketing alternative energy technology to the rest of the world.

THE MILE HIGH CLUB IS FOR WIMPS
Canada’s expertise in oil, gas and mineral exploration should assure it a prominent place in the lunar base that NASA announced last week. As the Globe and Mail points out, the stunning engineering of the Canadarm will also give us an upper hand on similar moon-based projects. Meanwhile, there are already archtecture schools teaching lunar architecture, and Hans-Jurgen Rombaut of the Rotterdam Academy of Architecture in the Netherlands has designed a lunar hotel projected to open around 2050. Spaceref.ca says, the hotel ”will provide tourists space to indulge in ‘low-gravity games’ such as indoor mountaineering... and ‘flying’ using special suits with bat-like wings.”

You might one day be able to honeymoon ON the moon, but only in artificial gravity conditions. French scientific writer Pierre Kohler, who has devoted much time and brain power to this question, says sex would be possible but very difficult in low-gravity or weightless conditions. Paraphanalia like elastic belts, velcro straps and two-body sleeping bags would be needed to keep you and your partner from floating away from each other. And not all positions are meant for zero-gravity. "The classic so-called missionary position, which is so easy on earth when gravity pushes one downwards, is simply not possible," Kohler says.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Five years of Prohibition have had, at least, this one benign effect: they have completely disposed of all the favorite arguments of the Prohibitionists. None of the great boons and usufructs that were to follow the passage of the Eighteenth Amendment has come to pass. There is not less drunkenness in the Republic, but more. There is not less crime, but more. There is not less insanity, but more. The cost of government is not smaller, but vastly greater. Respect for law has not increased, but diminished.” H. L. Mencken

The DEW Line for September 15, 2005

2005-09-20T13:55:00.000-07:00

AND I’M MODEST TOO
According to Roy Macgregor in the Globe and Mail, in The Secret Mulroney Tapes: Confessions of a Prime Minister by Peter C. Newman, Brian Mulroney is firmly convinced of his place in Canadian history:

"By the time history is done looking at this and you look at my achievements as opposed to any others, certainly no one will be in Sir John A.’s league–but my nose will be a little ahead of most in terms of achievements. Nobody has achievements like this, Peter. I can say that to you objectively. You cannot name a Canadian prime minister who has done as many significant things as I did, because there are none."

The jury is still out on that one... oh, wait, the jury’s back. Over on the Calgary Grit blog readers are voting on Greatest Prime Minister, and Mr. Mulroney didn’t even make the semifinals. (At the moment, Wilfred Laurier is leading King, Trudeau, and MacDonald.)

More of this week's column here.

The DEW Line for September 8, 2005

2005-09-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

-- is here.

"When you play the blues, [the whores] will call you sweet names and buy you drinks and give you tips." -- Louis Armstrong on his teenage years in New Orleans.

The DEW Line for August 25, 2005

2005-08-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

THE BIG DICK COMETH

It’s official, U.S. vice-President Dick Cheney is coming to Alberta to check out the tar sands and, reportedly, kill some innocent Alberta wildlife... I mean, go hunting and fishing. (Watch out for the bears, Mr. Vice President!) There’s also talk he will address a small, exclusive group of very wealthy men in Calgary. People are falling all over themselves to take credit for inviting Cheney to Alberta, with the Premier at the top of the list. It’s kind of embarrassing. Guys, let’s remember it’s a seller’s market and not give away the store to the charming but chilling Mr. Cheney and his friends.

More of this week's column here.

The DEW Line for August 18, 2005

2005-08-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

I USED TO BE PARANOID, BUT THE WORLD CAUGHT UP TO ME
Let me get this straight. The Bush administration wants a Canadian citizen extradited because he broke American laws... while in Canada. The Bush administration wants Marc Emery to be taken to the U.S.to be tried for selling marijuana seeds, saying he must be liable for criminal activity in the United States that may have resulted from the seeds he provided, i.e., the growing and selling of marijuana.

At the same time, the Bush administration has fought -- tooth and nail -- every effort to hold gun manufacturers liable for the damage done by their product and, of course, they have been very soft on oil companies and manufacturers who break environmental laws. Can we in Canada hold them liable if any of this damage spills over the border, seeing as we share a continent and an ecosystem?

I think we can make this whole ”breaking our laws in your country” principle work for us. Let’s find out which of our laws American companies are breaking in ways that somehow affect us, and let’s extradite them to Canada, try them, and put them to productive use on road gangs.

Our sovereignty is at stake here in a much more profound way than it is with Hans Island.

TAR AND FEATHER
If we’re going to apply the Emery principle to those below the border, we might start with those CN Railway executives who keep their offices in the U.S.. Given that they waited so long to inform residents at Lake Wabamun (and those near Squamish. B.C. during a subsequent derailment) that toxic chemicals had spilled into their waterways, a good tarring and feathering might be poetic justice.

PURE GENEROSITY
Who helped pay for the fun Canada’s premiers enjoyed during their meeting in Banff last week? According to the Edmonton Journal, computer-software giant SAP provided golf lessons, “Canadian Pacific Railway provided the special steam-train tour, Bell Canada supplied free cell services, while CIBC, IMG and TransCanada Pipelines Ltd. contributed money.” All out of the goodness of their hearts, with no expectation of special favors.

SPEAKING OF THE GREAT HANS ISLAND WAR....
Our current ”war” with Denmark, fought largely by the competitive planting of flags and booze bottles and by political satire in both countries, is heading to the negotiating table. Naturally. Meanwhile, the Great Turbot War between Canada and Spain, which began with a bang when the Canadian navy shot at and then seized a Spanish fishing boat in 1995, ended with a whimper last week in a courtroom when a Federal Judge ruled that Canada acted legally in impounding the trawler.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Sometimes the insane and the contrarians and the ones who are closest to suicide are the most valuable people society has. They may be precursors of social change. They've taken the burdens of the culture onto themselves, and in their struggle to solve their own problems they're solving problems for the culture as well." Robert M. Pirsig, Lila

The DEW Line for August 11, 2005

2005-08-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

HOW MANY PREMIERS DOES IT TAKE...
The nation’s premiers meet in Banff this week to mud wrestle and conspire against each other and the federal government. Okay, I made up the part about mud wrestling, etc... According to the press release, "Premiers Meet to Discuss Issues of Importance to all Canadians," such as "ways to enhance Canada’s economic competitiveness, strengthen our social programs, and improve our federation."

More at the SEE Magazine site.

The DEW Line for August 4th, 2005

2005-08-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

ARMCHAIR TRAVELLER
I love the internet. You may live inside landlocked Alberta, but you’re just a few clicks away from the rest of the world. Thanks to the internet, I can read this analysis of Islamic terrorist recruits from the Times of India, and learn that, “India has been mentioned repeatedly as a country with the world’s second largest Muslim population but not one national on the international list of suspects. Muslims in India, we know, do face disadvantages as a minority and the country has a history of terrible riots. But even the angriest haven’t turned to Osama for solace . . .”

...then check in with the debate among moderate muslims at Altmuslim:

“Last Thursday's horrific attack against London's public transport systems marked a day of reckoning among Britain's 1.6 million Muslims, who have been grappling in recent years with rising alienation and extremism among a small minority of younger adherents . . .”

(... where I also learn about the muslim satire site, Islamica News, aka “The Muslim Onion,” which reports that muslim boy band , ”'NShallah denounced rumors that they may cancel the remaining dates on their ‘We've Got Green Cards’ tour,” and looks at the new reality show for religious muslims, called Fitna Island, in which five extremist Imams are sent to a Caribbean island in the middle of spring break and try to make it out alive...)

...then tumble into an article on Islamic extremism from the UK’s Guardian, but posted on the Mathaba News site in Africa, which found that today’s terrorists are decidedly bourgeois:

“Peter Bergen of Johns Hopkins University recently published the conclusions of his in-depth study of 75 Islamist terrorists who had carried out four major anti-western attacks. According to Bergen, ‘53% of the terrorists had either attended college or had received a college degree. As a point of reference, only 52% of Americans have been to college.’"

... then link from there to allafrica.com to learn that Ugandan dictator Idi Amin had an exceptional fondness for Scots and all things Scottish . . .

... then cruise to Yahoo’s American news and learn of this odd criminal, the Naked Tickler, who is believed to be “responsible for a series of bizarre break-ins in which a naked man enters victims' rooms while they are sleeping and tries to tickle their feet:”

... which happened in Florida, a state where authorities found it necessary to pass a law making it illegal for a human to have sex with a porcupine . . .

... then take a trip to space to read how the Canadarm has once again saved NASA’s ass by checking Discovery for damage to the heat shield, and learn that the hard-working Canadarm, which has been used to capture stray objects in space, unblock space toilets, knock ice off the fuselage, fix the Hubble telescope and assemble the International space station, has NEVER malfunctioned in 50 missions and after more than 7,000 orbits...

... then come “home” to read this take on the King Ralph succession by Paul Wells at macleans.ca:

“Jim Dinning, who's running to replace Ralph Klein as Tory king-for-life, told me he wants to make education and resource refinement the cornerstones of his administration. In this vision, nothing gets out of Alberta without being processed or refined first -- oil, food crops, beef or brains. ‘We will be the leading value-added jurisdiction in Canada, if not North America," Dinning said.’

WESTJET CREW COMEDY
“Welcome aboard our non-stop flight to Fiji.” Pilot on a Vancouver-to-Edmonton flight (who then added, “Just kidding.”)

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them more" ~Oscar Wilde

The Great Hans Island War

2005-08-09T03:09:00.000-07:00

The chatter is growing fierce in the blogs, here, here, here, and here, for example.

The DEW Line for July 28, 2005

2005-08-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

DARK DAYS
Premier Klein calls the granting of marriage licenses to gay couples in Alberta a ”dark day.” Get a grip, sir. A dark day is when a thousand kids die of starvation or disease in Africa, or 88 people get blown to bits in Egypt, or a nelywed couple in Iraq gets gunned down, or an innocent Brazilian man in the wrong place at the wrong time gets killed by London police in plain view of startled commuters.

Here in Alberta, we still have a serial killer (or killers) on the loose, people are still recovering from devastating floods, and $60 a barrel gas is hurting our most vulnerable citizens. But we need to worry about grownups who have fallen in love and commit to a lifetime together. What’s next in such a frightening scenario?! They’ll put on a little weight, as most marrrieds do! Nothing much else will change! It’s a nightmare!

TAKE YOUR BUSTLE OUT OF MOTHBALLS, MA
Klondike Days is fun, if outdated, but it would be a lot easier if it wasn’t for the wardrobe hassles. For men, it‘s relatively simple to dress up -- a vest and a string tie and you’re pretty much there. For women, it’s a long dress, parasol, hat, matching purse, or, in the case of the classic dancehall girl, a short flared shirt that can be hiked up on one side, net stockings, garter belt, high heels, big hair feather, rouge. Who has time? Contrast this with the Stampede. A cowboy hat and you’re in the game. On the other hand, no fancy wardrobe was required this week for the World Master Games, Taste of Edmonton, or Brangelina spotting.

QUICK NO-COOK FITNESS TIPS FROM FAST NASCAR DRIVERS
Good news. Judging solely by the cover lines of Family Circle magazine for August 9, 2005, middle-class family women are cutting way back on domestic chores:

“Quick Chicken Favorites;”

“Delicious No-Cook Dinners;”

“20 Tips to Sneak in Fitness;”

“VROOM! Fast Dishes from NASCAR Drivers.”

What are they doing with that saved time? Judging by the other articles, spending more time with their kids, trying to understand the spouse and keep the spark in the marriage, doing paid and volunteer jobs, all while trying to be bolder (”12 Ways to be a Gutsy Woman”), lose weight (“Easy Eat-Less Tricks”), stay youthful-looking and attractive, and find time to write that novel or start that small business. Whew.

Contrast that with the three cover lines on the April 1955 Family Circle:

“News in Summer Fashions;”

“Quentin Reynolds Reports -- a Unique Approach to every American’s Problem” [Hmm, what would that be, I wonder];

“Meal Magic with Ham, Hot Breads and Candy Trims.”

SPEAKING OF COVER LINES . . .
According to Tattooist Dana at Ritualistics Tattoo (Jasper and 105th) the most popular tattoos there this summer are tribal pieces, names in foreign alphabets, and family crests. The most unique tattoos were two elephants with noses entwined that she tattooed on a guy’s back, and “the word ‘chaos’ tattooed on the inside of someone’s lip.”

PRIVATE PASSIONS
From the mailbag comes this great link to one man’s private space observatory just outside Edmonton, The Space Hut.

A PERSONAL NOTE
Happy Fifth Birthday Austin.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“There was a valid distinction between an offensive and a defensive weapon; if you were in front of it, it was offensive; if you were behind it, it was defensive.” ~ Lester Pearson, former Canadian Prime Minister on the finer points of disarmament talks.

The DEW Line for July 21, 2005

2005-07-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

BIG DICK
Dick Cheney is coming to Alberta? According to the Globe and Mail, “work is under way to bring Dick Cheney, U.S. vice-president, to the oil sands, a trip in which Mr. Cheney has expressed interest.”

Expressed interest? I bet. All that petroleum and his government doesn’t directly control it? He’ll come with a big, fat sippin’ straw.

The DEW Line was first tipped off to this by daveberta. Check out his blog.

THE THIRD WAY
On first glance, Premier Klein’s latest Orwellian-sounding Third Way health reforms look relatively mild, but the bottom line is, they represent the next step in a two tier system that allows the wealthy to have the best, state-of-the-art medical care when they need it, while the rest of us make do with outdated technology. Like most privatization programs, this one is sold as being for the benefit of all Albertans, especially those of us who aren’t rich. Money from the sale of top-drawer health care will be used to finance health care for the rest of us, see? I’m all for making the wealthiest Albertans pay for their gold-plated titanium hip sockets and using the proceeds to shorten waiting lines and buy new equipment for the rest of us, if that will indeed happen, but fear this program will just draw more capital and resources to high-end private health care, stinting public health care even more and leading to yet more privatization.

If you’ve got children though, don’t worry. If you can’t afford that MRI now, your kids can always get jobs to help you pay for it. I don’t know why, but this all makes me think of a quote from “Martin Chuzzlewit” by Charles Dickens:

“Men were weighed by their dollars, measures gauged by their dollars; life was auctioneered, appraised, put up, and knocked down for its dollars.”

YIPPIE-KAI-YAI-YAY
Did everyone enjoy the Alberta Stereotype Festival... I mean, the Calgary Stampede?

I kid. It’s a world-class hootenanny.and Calgary does it up well.

The Edmonton Journal editorial page recently lamented Edmonton’s inability to attract the kind of attention and tourism Calgary gets with the Stampede, despite our many fun festivals, our big river and river valley, our big eccentric mall, Whyte Avenue, K-Days, and the dreamy botanical garden near Devon....

And we have Fort Molson and the giant Labatt’s can on the drive from the airport too. (I’m not kidding. My out of town guests have all loved the giant Labatt’s can and Fort Molson.)

Maybe the problem is that we have too many charms. Calgary has “The Stampede,” one big, fun megillah to draw the focus. We need one huge, world-class event too, something annual, something a little different... I dunno, maybe we could take one of our existing festivals and build around it, like the Fringe? Feedback?

LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME, MONKEY BOY?
Blogger Red Jenny reports that “An experiment at Yale University to teach monkeys how to use money has had unexpected side effects, including the first case of monkey prostitution.”

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“The motto of every Republican administration is, ’Boys, my back is turned.’” Will Rogers.

email: thedewline@yahoo.ca

The DEW Line for July 14, 2005

2005-07-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

THE CYCLE CONTINUES
It’s been another bad week. According to Live8, thousands of African children died from a variety of poverty-rooted causes. Based on figures from the United Nations Development Program Study, an average of 250 civilians died in Iraq from "war-related causes," in addition to the nearly 50 killed by suicide bombers on Sunday And of course, as of this writing at least 50 unfortunates are dead and 700 wounded in the London bomb attacks.

If Islamic terrorists are indeed behind the latest bombings in London, then the latest Bush excuse... er, doctrine, that the war in Iraq is justified because it draws terrorists there and keeps Americans and their allies safe at home, might not be working.

ON A SEEMINGLY UNRELATED TOPIC...
It’s time to rent Terry Gilliam’s Brazil again. Like Paddy Chayefsky’s Network, it’s one of those movies that seemed far-fetched when it came out, but seems more eerily true with each viewing.

GOD AND PAULA-TICS
Feisty, yet nice, Paula Simons of the Edmonton Journal manages to take on the most controversial subjects without hedging, flinching or lobbing bombs. A recent example, her column on evolution versus creationism, brought a a firestorm of Letters to the Editor. Her response? She calmly came back with a column on mutating, i.e., EVOLVING, viruses which demonstrate Darwin’s theory on a regular basis. This is the province that elected two reverends, radio evangelist William Aberhart and Ernest Manning, to its highest office, and that old-time religion still has a (noisy) constituency here. But as Simons has shown, a voice of reason can still carry the day... sometimes.

WEST EDMONTON MALL, WATCH YOUR BACK
Ground has been broken in Syracuse, New York for Destiny U.S.A., which its developer Robert Congel says will not only be the largest mall in the world, but “the biggest man-made structure, and the most environmentally friendly,” according to the New York Times. It will include “an extensive research facility for testing advanced technologies and a 200-acre recreational biosphere complete with springlike temperatures and an artificial river for kayaking.”

There will also be a thousand shops, 80,000 hotel rooms, a 40,000 seat arena, and a five story artificial mountain. Congel claims it will be a green mall, powered only by renewable energy sources. But as Congel’s critics point out, how much benefit will there be from a green mall if hundreds of thousands of people get in their gas-burning cars to drive there?

WESTJET CREW COMEDY
“For those of you who haven’t been in an automobile since 1964, we will now demonstrate how you open and close your seat belts,” as reported by our friend, The Frequent Flyer.

REACH!

HERE

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“If the people have not suffered enough, it is their God-given right to suffer some more.” Alberta Premier William Aberhart.

email: thedewline@yahoo.ca

The DEW Line for July 7, 2005

2005-07-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

MAZEL TOV
After a vote in the House of Commons and approval by the Senate, the Queen gives her okay to the Civil Marriage Act with Royal Assent,and then it’s official. The government can no longer tell consenting grownups whom they can wed. Martha and Martha can marry, and Henry and Henry can too.

BUT WAIT....
The Edmonton Journal reports that the Klein government is looking for ways to weasel out of Bill C-38 obligations:

“One possibility they have raised is for the province to get out of the marriage business altogether, granting civil unions but leaving actual marriages to religious institutions. That could leave non-religious folks without a spot to get married.”

...Or make it harder at least, since only the United and Unitarian churches have come out in favour of C-38.

I WAS OUT FLYING MY CHIHUAHAWK WHEN THE OCTOBEES ATTACKED
From the Futurewatch files....

Bioengineering has already resulted in some things that seem straight out of cheesy 1950s sci-fi. We’ve seen pig genes put into tomatoes, human ears grown on the backs of mice, and cross-species, aka chimeras, such as wolphins (whale + dolphin), zorses (zebra + horse), and jaglions (jaguar + lion). Then there’s the famous glow-in-the-dark rabbit, created using a fluorescent jellyfish gene.

These days, red flags are being raised about animal-human hybrids. We’re not yet in danger of monkey men and rabbit girls roaming our streets, but preliminary steps seem to be leading in that direction. National Geographic News reports [January 25, 2005] that Chinese researchers in Shanghai fused human cells with rabbit eggs, successfully creating the first human-animal chimeras. After developing for a few days in a lab, the embryos were destroyed. (Has the “Right-to-Life” movement heard about this?)

And now, scientists want to put human cells into mice brains. According to The New York Times, May 11, 2005:

“In the superheated area of embryonic stem cell research, for example, [researchers] want to put lots of human-brain stem cells into mice to see how they perform in a real body as opposed to a laboratory culture, possibly shedding light on how to treat neurological diseases. The researchers appear to be proceeding cautiously, and the scientific community is erecting ethical barriers to guide such research. This is hardly a freak show.”

Not yet, and there are medical benefits to be obtained from this research. But what is to prevent renegades,”biohackers,” from creating their own creatures outside the scientific establishment in the not-too-distant future? And what could result?

Would partly human creatures have human rights?

ON A RELATED SUBJECT...
How long before the corporate world sees the advertising potential in genetic engineering? Will they resist the temptation to create designer animals in company colours, to genetically engineer their logos into the wings of butterflies, the scales of fish, the feathers of birds, the pelts of domestic pets, the bodies of consenting adults?

I’m just asking. I’m not losing any sleep over it.

Yet.

NOW, IMAGINE EDMONTON
Calgary has a website, Imagine Calgary, soliciting suggestions from its residents on how the city should change in the next 100 years

I couldn’t find any similar site for Edmonton. Email me with your ideas and I’ll use the best suggestions in upcoming columns.

HAIKU
Ken Sakamoto
Does a very funny strip
Called Haiku Circus.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

“I thought I told you to wait in the car.” Tallulah Bankhead, on seeing a former lover for the first time in five years.

Email: thedewline@yahoo.ca

The DEW Line for June 23, 2005

2005-07-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

Judging by the local news media coverage, bear attacks are a greater danger than a serial killer(s) who may have claimed at least 41 young women in Alberta, 25 of those around Edmonton. An observer from abroad, seeing all the bear coverage, would have his stereotypes about Canadians confirmed: we live in a barely-tamed wilderness where the elemental fight against nature and her savage beasts is constant.

Of course, judging by the American media, Michael Jackson is a greater threat than cancer, terrorists, pollution, political corruption, and all their serial killers combined. Clearly, the American mainstream likes its anxiety to be neatly packaged in one convenient, and irrelevant, freak. That’s easier to focus on, and it’s much more entertaining than news stories about OPEC output quotas or greenhouse gases, both of which got good coverage in the Edmonton media last week. Bear stories notwithstanding, the national and local news looks pretty good when contrasted with the American media. Alas, our southern neighbours need good information more than we do, because they have more money and guns, and a demonstrated desire to use both to have their way in the world.

Premier Smokestack
Ralph Klein wants part of the one billion dollar (U.S.) research fund for cleaner energy that the American government is touting. “Hooray,” you shout, throwing your arms in the air and spilling your Starbucks on the asshole in the next cubicle. You think, “This means hydrogen fuel cells, solar, biomass, windpower, or even those impressive new pebble-bed nuclear reactors. The technology is there, just waiting to be exploited for the average consumer -- clean, more efficient solar cells that are cheaper to mass-produce, solar fabrics that would enable you to recharge your cellphone at the elbow of your sweater, portable windmills, clean-burning plant fuels -- “

Wrong. The cleaner energy the U.S. government is talking about is.... coal. The billion is yet more American taxpayer money for finding ways to keep this dinosaur fuel industry alive... I mean, to burn coal more cleanly.

Coal. It’s so 19th century. Instead of devoting so many resources, including great scientific minds, to finding ways to burn these tarry old lumps more cleanly, why not devote those resources to turning coal producers and consumers into creators and users of truly clean, alternative energy?

Why not? No political will.

Waste Management
According to CBC, in response to increased drug testing, urine sales have soared in Alberta.

The market for bullshit, however, remains steady, everywhere.

Quote of the Week
“When you are a character like me, and not a collaborator, you worry every day, no matter the regime.”

From Vladimir Valenta, the late Czech director and actor, and a long-time Edmontonian. Valenta lived under five different political systems, which included time in a Nazi labour camp, a Communist gulag, and Canadian suburbia.

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